Honesty
by andthecosmogirl
Summary: She could still smell the cologne on his skin from when he pulled away. The scent still remained, lingering in the air from where she stood. She never moved from the spot, but she hadn't yet lost her will to fight. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at attention and she was all but frozen.


Note - -

I had this thing for a couple of weeks laying around since Close to Me first aired. The scene felt unfinished and I did some minor tweaking and this came up. I know not alot of people like Zaya but I have a few close friends in fandom who do and sometimes the plot bunnies go a little bit crazy. With that being said, here's a stupid little one shot about kids who are angsty and have feelings and unfinished business.

Disclaimer - -

I own nothing, but the shirt on my back, however if I did own Degrassi I would vow to fix the errors in a jif.

* * *

Maya Matlin stood still for a moment, playing back the recent moment in her mind as it echoed and swam through her brain.

"_I should've just kissed you." He whispered just inches from her, his eyes wide. Her eyebrow raised and then he just walked away. She knew he meant every word. _

She could still smell the cologne on his skin from when he pulled away. The scent still remained, lingering in the air from where she stood. She never moved from the spot, but she hadn't yet lost her will to fight. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at attention and she was all but frozen. And that's when she knew, Miles never gave her that sensation, hanging by a moment, on words, seduced by his delivery. It took a moment, he had barely managed to walk the third step when she left the living room and faced him.

Maya distressed furrowed her brow and scolded him, brazen and bold but not at all convincing she was outraged. it was just the first feeling she felt that need to protest it, to contest it. The truth was, she was expecting a confession or admission but what occurred wasn't what she had in mind. All that he saw when he heard her footsteps fly through the room was that he won the battle, he struck a nerve, and that was enough for him. "No. You don't get to do that!"

"I don't get to do what?" He asked condescendingly pausing at the third step.

"You can't just say _that_ and run along upstairs like you never said it!" Maya shot back loudly.

"Never said what?" He answered with a slight amusement, quietly raising his brow, pleased with himself that the conversation wasn't over that he got a rise out of her and this was more than he could ask for. "You know, Matlin you need to be a bit more specific when you talk to me."

"Will you stop playing stupid for once and stop answering me in a question? Do you understand just how frustrating that is for that matter? I can't do this, we have to get along because I can't tell if you're still holding something over my head or –" She went on in a ramble before looking up at him feeling defeated, "You're not being fair! And here I'm thinking we're cool."

"Cool? Fair?" He fired back in a question before adding, "And now you're the one lecturing _me_ on being fair?"

"Forget it, forget I said anything at all." She shook her head, red in the face as she managed to back herself into a corner. Realizing a lot of this would end up pushed back on her. The state of affairs hadn't ever before been so delicate. The removal of one pin could crash everything down. Maya was testing that pin, but he like in their previous disagreements was the one who started it. It was a wonder they were in the same place at the same time. Just minutes ago she was worried he would be hauled off to jail and now she's full of rage and humiliation and a slew of feelings she's not sure of how she's supposed to be feeling and all the while for the first time in months Miles was the last person on her mind.

"I don't make the rules." He flatly replied, delighted that she wasn't quite finished with him, he turned to face her hopping down off the steps. Advancing toward her, watching her lips as she found herself frozen once again.

Something drew him to her, what that was she couldn't define. Was it his natural power of finding her weakness, how he's the only guy that never went the distance and the closure, the conversation that needed to happen never did. It explained the hatred, the contempt in the way he spoke he wasn't over that rejection and quite frankly neither was she. There was just something in the way he advance toward her, got up in her face, called her out and yet he was filled with so much rage despite what she had done for him and then it dawned because it was always there and it never went away. Regrets had kept the feelings at bay, other people had stood in their way and yet nothing could truly tear them apart tonight aside from Maya's newfound rage.

"I don't hate you, that's one confession in fact, it's the _opposite_. I've kept my nose clean, I haven't been selling since I moved in with you, that's the truth. I can tell you that I did sell to your boyfriend when he started at Degrassi, so he's no superman but . . I don't regret what I said to you tonight because that's been the most honest thing I've said to you in a long, long time." Zig paused for a moment.

"Why do you put on this . . . act?" Maya asked with exhaustion, "What is that? If we're going to be friends . . . you have to at least try."

"I can't." He shrugged.

"What can't you do?"

"I can't resist you, Maya. A-and I know you can't resist me either, you want to because you'd be . . . appeasing your friends or whatever but it's not doing you any favors holding off on what you really want."

"What makes you think that's true?"

"I was upset with you for so long because I felt abandoned by the only person who I ever loved, who gave a damn about me. I thought that, by waiting for you I'd be seeing you in September but that didn't really happen. Did you want me to? I thought you'd choose me, but you chose him and I was mad, and I was jealous but only because I put it all on the line for you. Yeah I might've changed a lot this summer but one thing that never changed was how I felt, well that only grew with time. No one understood, why it hurt me the way it did and I know how desperate it must sound but - - I am so tired of pretending that I'm alright. Alright with just letting you go, without knowing if you want me to."

"Well, we need to talk then," She whispered avoiding his eyes with only one movement simply shaking her head, "but we can't talk here."

"And why not?"

As she opened up the front door slowly, quietly and carefully to not risking waking up her parents before she glared back at him, "You know the rules."

As soon as she walked out of the house their lips touched, she didn't stop him in fact as the door closed behind them arriving on the porch she pulled away attempting to ignore the lapse in judgement. Shortly afterwards, Maya pulled away in disbelief, whispering to herself as she backed toward the door, "I- that can't happen again."

His thoughts jumbled in his head he came out with, as he recovered was a shared sentiment. He just nodded slowly with understanding, it's funny how she reduces him to a marshmallow. Right when he thought he had the upper hand, she turns around and surprises him. Maya had a front porch swing, she sat on it and he sat beside her. They didn't speak for several moments, exchanging awkward glances, after a long pause she looked at him again, "You have to stop this."

"What?"

She looked at him somewhat angrily, "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about."

"I just want to hear you say, I'm not the only one." Zig replied.

"I don't – I don't trust myself around you if that makes any sense. You worried me, you scared me tonight and I wish that –" Maya exhaled as she collected her words, "Wish you were the person I thought you were. Honest . . dependable, where is _that_ Zig?" When she asked him her voice broke down and faltered but her feelings didn't waver. She was the only one who actively cared about him, and it was true inside buried is the Zig she knew and cared for.

Hearing that from her broke him inside. It still hurts him. "I used to trust you, I want to trust you but I can't. Do you know how incredibly hard this is? Friends don't _even_ treat friends like this. Just tell me why."

Zig whipped his head around, asking sadly, "Do you know how incredibly hard it is to watch you with him?" He paused and then finally he started talking again, "I said that because I lost my chances with you. I said it in vain; I wouldn't take away what I said before because it wouldn't have been any good, done any good if I _just_ kissed you. I just – " Zig wasn't looking at Maya but if she was able to see his eyes well, maybe she'd see his side. "I don't have the balls for that."

"At least you're honest."

"That's _all_ you have to say?"

Maya sighed, "If we're going to be friends, you have to accept things as they are. I have a lot of thinking to do."

"If I had a chance, and I thought I did because when you kissed me I felt something that I never felt before. When you kissed me, I felt as crazy as it sounds _completed_. I won't have that with anyone." Zig confessed, before his eyes met with hers again, "you know, for what it's worth. You're special."

"The truth is, I went to bat for you, because you had always been my friend, but I feel like I just want to know the truth from all sides. From Miles too." She walked toward the door, and leaned against it, "For what it's worth I'm sorry too, for not being clear, for the summer. For everything."

"I forgive you."

"How do you know these things, all the stuff that you know?" She beamed, "is it written all over my face or something?"

"It is." He replied, getting up off of the swing, as Maya opened the door and he followed her inside. Both friends seeing things from the right perspective, everything laid out on the table. Maya had a decision to make, but at least her friendship with Zig was still strong. She wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Maya, I'm sorry." This time _she_ was on her way up the steps.

"For what?" She replied, "You were being honest."

"For how I acted."

She looked at him, and he looked at her, she offered him a smile and then made her way up the steps to go to bed leaving Zig alone with his thoughts.


End file.
